melancholic prayer

Dear heavenly father, i come unto you with a heavy heart, while i have offloaded some of the burden my heart bears at your feet, others my uncanny heart cannot explain but of those, am confident you know better than i do and you never sleep nor slumber.

Every angle i turn to reinforced my believe that the very act of survival in itself has been long defeated by humanity, occasioned by sin. Am at that stage of my life when funny thoughts creeps in; thoughts of suicide, thoughts of sleeping and not waking up. These are but the few i can phantom, i cannot share this thoughts with your servants as they will neglect the humanity in me and question my religious faith, and even if i told them i was born again, they insist i undergo deliverance as the only means to eradicate my fears and thoughts, they insist something was wrong with me to think of suicide, they insist am not in you(Christ) that is why i worry about my inability to care for the needs of my sisters, retired earthly father, and financially incapacitated mum. They insist a evil spirit dwells in me to think that living in my family house in my late twenties makes me feel like a nonentity, and instead of counseling me out of my predicaments, they add to my bricks of fear.

I admit am not your perfect son and for my acts and deeds, you are even ashamed of me and i equally take full responsibility for who i am and i must admit that i am as much ashamed of myself as well. But father, the world as we know it might come to an end after posting this heart cry and you will not negotiate the trumpet sound for anything. So while i hope and pray that my soul will be acceptable unto you when your appointed time comes, i ask that your eyes of grace, mercy, favour, and prosperity shine on me in the remaining days of my sojourn here on earth.