Posts Tagged With: disappointment

Am no Longer Slave of Fear

Am not given to making New Year resolutions or penning down a “to do list” that I will probably forget when circumstances takes a twisted turn. For me, every day is a new beginning to do what needed to be done or make that call, adjust that life style or take that decision needed to stair my life in the right direction. Some of the decisions I made last year like Reinvesting my Heart Again for some reasons best known to my creator didn’t come to pass but so many decision I didn’t jot down on any piece that just came or dawned on me from the daily mundane conversations I had with the wonderful people my creator has placed in my life saw the light of the day prominent among which is the establishment of my research firm. I have a very weird and what some folks called awkward believe system and this stems from the opinionated submission that my life has been predestined prior to my conception and the only duty I owe to the will power who have predestined my life is to be good and deviate from sin and be human in a world where everyone is devaluing the very act of humanity. I have a past that am not proud of but in this race of life where humanity strives for perfection daily, who would submit to being proud of yesterday than today is the person who is not adjusted to change and I don’t mean CHANGE in the context which the Buhari led administration came and psychological cajoled us into casting ballot for them. The year that precedes this year enslaved me to fears; fears of dying; fears of not meeting parental and societal expectations; fear of inadequacy; fears of failing my creator daily; fears of not meeting my needs then the Bethel song echoed a reassurance of my predisposition towards fear;

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

I am surrounded
By the arms of the father
I am surrounded
By songs of deliverance

We’ve been liberated
From our bondage
We’re the sons and the daughters
Let us sing our freedom

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
And I could stand and sing
I am a child of God…

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
You drowned my fears in perfect love
You rescued me
And I will stand and sing
I am a child of God

Yes, I am
I am a child of God
I am a child of God
Yes, I am
I am a child of God
Full of faith
Yes, I am a child of God
I am a child of God

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

Just when I was looking for a way to return all the glory for this reassurance through the Holy Spirit from Bethel song, Matt Redman gave it all to me through his soul uplifting rendition

Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name1
The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes1
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
You’re rich in love
And You’re slow to anger
Your name is great
And Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness
I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons
For my heart to find
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
And on that day
When my strength is failing
The end draws near
And my time has come
Still my soul will
Sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years
And then forevermore
Forevermore
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name

Now instinct have taken over me and I have hence resolved to do away with complaints. This disposition, Nathaniel Bassey reinforced with;

Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do
Adonai, Adonai
Adonai, You reign on high
We will rise, in Your Name
Adonai, You reign on high
Reign on high
Reign on high
Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

TRUE CONFESSION

This year has not been very good to me and its not the first disappointment or misery i wear on my countenance as i journey through with daily struggles for survival. My believes, aspirations, and thoughts for the year from unset which was a mirage gave me reasons and a wish to renegotiate my very existence with my creator if i were to see him and hope for a voice to seek clarification on some terms and condition of service/existence. Talking of condition of services, i have not been faithful in paying my tithes and giving offerings in my sparing Sunday services. Though its not as if its the only service i owe my creator to earn his blessings and its neither a leverage for my existence and good health as my pastors and other religious leaders will make it seems, but even the praise, thanksgiving, worship and supplications which is not capital intensive, i have been lackadaisical about it. I often take refuge in predestination believing that what will be will be and that is the reason why my two hands can count the number of times i have been to church and other gathering of worship for this year.
I expected much from my creator and at some point childishly poured out my rage on him for giving me less not realizing that where i am is a yearning for many until recently coming to realize that my life is a script that am barely a protagonist acting out the character assigned to me.
I have tried my hands on so many things, some i failed, the ones i barely made it through with, accountability is questionable. So many people have crossed path with me this year, while some are a huge blessings, i can’t say the same about those that said they were Christians and calling God there witness on our first meeting (I have been duped twice by such fellow).
At a point, i thought i will be happy if am attached and as a result i allowed my emotions, heart and very being to be manipulated by the person i had a crush on but as the plot unfolds i latter realized that the happiness i seek has just begun and i resolved not to let what family, friends and society says about my being unattached bother or reflect in my memory. As much as my family brought me joy and happiness, so do they imported misery, frustration and psychological torture to my life, and am one of the few Nigerians who will admit without fear of favour that my family is not the perfect one but we create and grow in love from our imperfections.
I admit i have failed God this year but i can’t say the same of him for he has preserved me despite my inadequacy. I have given him reasons to be ashamed of me yet his mercies kept me. Needless to say he owes me nothing..
As hitherto said, i have tried my hands on so many things, but i find out too late, it was never my day but am gonna keep on trying until my lucky day but just before i proceed with my new identity henceforth, am taking out my time to say a big thank you to OJO ODOBAOGAGU my creator for his grace and mercy as i relocate to the back seat and allow him to steer the wheel of my life………..

OJO ODOBAOGAGU: an expression signifying the omniscient nature of God by the Igala people of Kogi state.

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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