Posts Tagged With: family

Am no Longer Slave of Fear

Am not given to making New Year resolutions or penning down a “to do list” that I will probably forget when circumstances takes a twisted turn. For me, every day is a new beginning to do what needed to be done or make that call, adjust that life style or take that decision needed to stair my life in the right direction. Some of the decisions I made last year like Reinvesting my Heart Again for some reasons best known to my creator didn’t come to pass but so many decision I didn’t jot down on any piece that just came or dawned on me from the daily mundane conversations I had with the wonderful people my creator has placed in my life saw the light of the day prominent among which is the establishment of my research firm. I have a very weird and what some folks called awkward believe system and this stems from the opinionated submission that my life has been predestined prior to my conception and the only duty I owe to the will power who have predestined my life is to be good and deviate from sin and be human in a world where everyone is devaluing the very act of humanity. I have a past that am not proud of but in this race of life where humanity strives for perfection daily, who would submit to being proud of yesterday than today is the person who is not adjusted to change and I don’t mean CHANGE in the context which the Buhari led administration came and psychological cajoled us into casting ballot for them. The year that precedes this year enslaved me to fears; fears of dying; fears of not meeting parental and societal expectations; fear of inadequacy; fears of failing my creator daily; fears of not meeting my needs then the Bethel song echoed a reassurance of my predisposition towards fear;

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

I am surrounded
By the arms of the father
I am surrounded
By songs of deliverance

We’ve been liberated
From our bondage
We’re the sons and the daughters
Let us sing our freedom

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
And I could stand and sing
I am a child of God…

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
You drowned my fears in perfect love
You rescued me
And I will stand and sing
I am a child of God

Yes, I am
I am a child of God
I am a child of God
Yes, I am
I am a child of God
Full of faith
Yes, I am a child of God
I am a child of God

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

Just when I was looking for a way to return all the glory for this reassurance through the Holy Spirit from Bethel song, Matt Redman gave it all to me through his soul uplifting rendition

Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name1
The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes1
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
You’re rich in love
And You’re slow to anger
Your name is great
And Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness
I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons
For my heart to find
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
And on that day
When my strength is failing
The end draws near
And my time has come
Still my soul will
Sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years
And then forevermore
Forevermore
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name

Now instinct have taken over me and I have hence resolved to do away with complaints. This disposition, Nathaniel Bassey reinforced with;

Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do
Adonai, Adonai
Adonai, You reign on high
We will rise, in Your Name
Adonai, You reign on high
Reign on high
Reign on high
Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do

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Focus: Mother’s Advice

image credited to: newstatesman.com

image credited to: newstatesman.com

For thirty four years that i remained married to your dad, i carried a surface injury in my heart that he constantly pricked but being a woman has only thought me to smile through those pains.

She took me outside along the river bank under the palm trees, asked me to stare at the surrounding with deep reflection on the aesthetic of nature surrounding us. I was astonished as to what would warrant such but being born into the ethnic group i never choosed, i knew i was forbidden from expressing my rage at such a trivial task in the early hours of the morning when i should be gunning for gold to feed the family, so i did and all i saw was the beauty of the palm trees and so when she asked me what i saw, i wasn’t sure of what to say and out of accumulated curiosity, i simply asked why all this in an early hours of the day.
Twenty seven years ago. She narrated, i almost laid down my life just to ensure you see and have a life, if i could go back in times, i would have wished you came to me under a more conducive environment but i look at you every day and glorify God for the man you’ve grown up to be.

After hearing the story of Cain and Abel, and how God watched the formal killed the later just to ask him “Cain where is your brother Abel”, i have long made peace with destiny to remain married to your father despite all i have been through and all that lies ahead of me so long as we remain husband and wife till death do us part.
Your father was a far cry from what any sane person would describe as a compassionate husband. I married him when i was barely fourteen years, lost my virginity to him, bore him eight children and have never seen the nakedness of another man before or after him, but there is no year that passes by prior to the last one year that i don’t pick quarrels with his concubines or himself on their account. The very night you arrived this earth before my very eyes, your father walked passed me with one of his concubine and didn’t return to the house till dawn.
For thirty four years that i remained married to your dad, i carried a surface injury in my heart that he constantly pricked but being a woman has only thought me to smile through those pains. Today i brought you out here being my only son to pray you never to conceive it in your heart to bring pain upon any woman. I was afraid you will grow up like your father but i thank God you didn’t inherit any gene but for intelligence from him and for this am proud of you son and i return the glory to God.
You might have known me to be a very lousy mother because am always raising my voice at your father but son, i wish i had a better ways of expressing my agony for this is who i was made to be by constant hurting.

Every night as i kneel to pray i ask that God give you a compassionate heart, and a woman who would not take that for granted. I know growing technology and the new media have shaped the society and those norms we consider etiquette in our time is term “Old Fashion” so i say to you as the woman who brought you to fulfill the life God has given you, that there should be no condition whatsoever for you not to love your wife and the presupposed mother of your children, my grand kids, even if you picked her from the club or the streets, you are under an oath with me this day to love her and aside God place no one above her, not even me your mother.

For every reason there is to make her shed tears, find a million reason and ways to put smiles on her face and if the world call you names for that then remember that, no name supersedes or can speak for you but the names i gave to you in the presence of God.
Your wife will become overtly disrespectful and see you as disgusting at some point and this is the time you should love, honor, serve and worship her the most (listen to a secret son) she is carrying my grandchild and i forbid you from ever hitting her and never walk away from her, learn to keep your rage under control. So many words abound in my uncanny heart to pour out to you this day but son this little wisdom i want you to always reminisce over for my time draw nile and may not know what life holds for me tomorrow but always hold on to this words and i guarantee you will have a union where your challenges will be surmounted by wisdom rather than fighting, for the formal is wisdom and the later is a sham.

 

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

TRUE CONFESSION

This year has not been very good to me and its not the first disappointment or misery i wear on my countenance as i journey through with daily struggles for survival. My believes, aspirations, and thoughts for the year from unset which was a mirage gave me reasons and a wish to renegotiate my very existence with my creator if i were to see him and hope for a voice to seek clarification on some terms and condition of service/existence. Talking of condition of services, i have not been faithful in paying my tithes and giving offerings in my sparing Sunday services. Though its not as if its the only service i owe my creator to earn his blessings and its neither a leverage for my existence and good health as my pastors and other religious leaders will make it seems, but even the praise, thanksgiving, worship and supplications which is not capital intensive, i have been lackadaisical about it. I often take refuge in predestination believing that what will be will be and that is the reason why my two hands can count the number of times i have been to church and other gathering of worship for this year.
I expected much from my creator and at some point childishly poured out my rage on him for giving me less not realizing that where i am is a yearning for many until recently coming to realize that my life is a script that am barely a protagonist acting out the character assigned to me.
I have tried my hands on so many things, some i failed, the ones i barely made it through with, accountability is questionable. So many people have crossed path with me this year, while some are a huge blessings, i can’t say the same about those that said they were Christians and calling God there witness on our first meeting (I have been duped twice by such fellow).
At a point, i thought i will be happy if am attached and as a result i allowed my emotions, heart and very being to be manipulated by the person i had a crush on but as the plot unfolds i latter realized that the happiness i seek has just begun and i resolved not to let what family, friends and society says about my being unattached bother or reflect in my memory. As much as my family brought me joy and happiness, so do they imported misery, frustration and psychological torture to my life, and am one of the few Nigerians who will admit without fear of favour that my family is not the perfect one but we create and grow in love from our imperfections.
I admit i have failed God this year but i can’t say the same of him for he has preserved me despite my inadequacy. I have given him reasons to be ashamed of me yet his mercies kept me. Needless to say he owes me nothing..
As hitherto said, i have tried my hands on so many things, but i find out too late, it was never my day but am gonna keep on trying until my lucky day but just before i proceed with my new identity henceforth, am taking out my time to say a big thank you to OJO ODOBAOGAGU my creator for his grace and mercy as i relocate to the back seat and allow him to steer the wheel of my life………..

OJO ODOBAOGAGU: an expression signifying the omniscient nature of God by the Igala people of Kogi state.

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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