Posts Tagged With: fear

Am no Longer Slave of Fear

Am not given to making New Year resolutions or penning down a “to do list” that I will probably forget when circumstances takes a twisted turn. For me, every day is a new beginning to do what needed to be done or make that call, adjust that life style or take that decision needed to stair my life in the right direction. Some of the decisions I made last year like Reinvesting my Heart Again for some reasons best known to my creator didn’t come to pass but so many decision I didn’t jot down on any piece that just came or dawned on me from the daily mundane conversations I had with the wonderful people my creator has placed in my life saw the light of the day prominent among which is the establishment of my research firm. I have a very weird and what some folks called awkward believe system and this stems from the opinionated submission that my life has been predestined prior to my conception and the only duty I owe to the will power who have predestined my life is to be good and deviate from sin and be human in a world where everyone is devaluing the very act of humanity. I have a past that am not proud of but in this race of life where humanity strives for perfection daily, who would submit to being proud of yesterday than today is the person who is not adjusted to change and I don’t mean CHANGE in the context which the Buhari led administration came and psychological cajoled us into casting ballot for them. The year that precedes this year enslaved me to fears; fears of dying; fears of not meeting parental and societal expectations; fear of inadequacy; fears of failing my creator daily; fears of not meeting my needs then the Bethel song echoed a reassurance of my predisposition towards fear;

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

I am surrounded
By the arms of the father
I am surrounded
By songs of deliverance

We’ve been liberated
From our bondage
We’re the sons and the daughters
Let us sing our freedom

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
And I could stand and sing
I am a child of God…

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
You drowned my fears in perfect love
You rescued me
And I will stand and sing
I am a child of God

Yes, I am
I am a child of God
I am a child of God
Yes, I am
I am a child of God
Full of faith
Yes, I am a child of God
I am a child of God

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

Just when I was looking for a way to return all the glory for this reassurance through the Holy Spirit from Bethel song, Matt Redman gave it all to me through his soul uplifting rendition

Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name1
The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes1
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
You’re rich in love
And You’re slow to anger
Your name is great
And Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness
I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons
For my heart to find
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
And on that day
When my strength is failing
The end draws near
And my time has come
Still my soul will
Sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years
And then forevermore
Forevermore
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name

Now instinct have taken over me and I have hence resolved to do away with complaints. This disposition, Nathaniel Bassey reinforced with;

Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do
Adonai, Adonai
Adonai, You reign on high
We will rise, in Your Name
Adonai, You reign on high
Reign on high
Reign on high
Casting crowns
Lifting hands
Bowing hearts
Is all we’ve come to do

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

warning: this letter you are about reading is born out of childhood of watching home movies coupled with my observation of some women in our contemporary society. It should not be a yardstick for judging my personality. Thanks
image

Every August as i celebrate my birth, it dawn on me that “life is in stages and men are in sizes” twenty children do not play for twenty years. This year am 25. Unlike your mum, am not shy neither am i intimidate by my age. At this age, i am yet to have a date (or girlfriend as the case maybe) and i fear for when you will arrive this planet, i fear for the outcome of the father/child relationship that will exist between us, i fear for what the mother earth has in stock for you, and above all, i fear for bringing you into this wicked and evil world.

I am sorry if i delay or disappoint you for not following the footsteps of your Grandfather whom at my age is already married to your grand mother with your two aunties.

image

But would you blame me for that? At my age, your grandpa was gainfully employed by the Federal government with bonus skills in agriculture for bare subsistence but here i am still gunning for gold while searching the globe to find you the best mum after serving my fatherland in a strange land. Before i forget to tell you. I also entertain fears for the woman who will bore you, i fear for how her carefree and absent-mindedness might bring you to harms way while playing as a kid, i fear for how she will neglect you for gossips with fellow women while am away toiling under the sun as a result of her deceitful act which has landed me in that predicament, i fear for when she will poison your mind and instigate you against me at every slightest provocation there is and these are but my greatest fear.

My greatest fear is what you will become in future. Whether, you will grow up a gentle fellow or let my inherited gene of sturbuness dominate your system, whether you will think before acting like your dad or simply act before calculating the consequences of your actions like your mum. Oops! Least i forget, i havent met your mum so whatever hasty generalisations i arrive at here about her is informed by the philosophical saying that “men think & talk” while “women talk & think” and to assume that your mum is different will be best insulting to the philosophers.

Amid the fear i entertain, i look forward to the day you will arrive mother earth, i look forward to the day you will grow up to have such discussions that the fear of a dirty slap/withdrawal of pocket-money never let me had with your grandpa. Discussion like;when your body chemistry is electrocuting you towards opposite sex; sex education; when you start a date etcetera.

I look forward to the day i will say “this is my beloved child, in whom i am well pleased” or simply turn to your mother and say to her “woman, you see the disappointments your child has brought upon you. Did i hear you saying….”what is this man saying? Is he expecting me to bring disappointments to them?. Well child, what my age can see seating down, you can never see it even when at the top of airtel antenna and the problem with children is “you never know what they grow up to become”. So yes, am expecting you to bring disappointment to your mum as much as you make me proud. The choice is yours to make but either way, remember its your life to live for i might not be there to help your mother bury her head in shame if you are otherwise from making her proud, but trust me, if the reverse happens to be the case, even there from above, I will chant your praise to the angels and proudly say “that is my child”.

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

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